5 times I've failed on my wellness journey
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
- Thomas Edison
Thank you for the reminder, Mr. Edison.
It really resonated when my acupuncturist told me, "we're all hypocrites". "It's so easy for us to tell/show others how to feel amazing but we can never take our own advice."
He wasn't lying.
As a wellness practitioner, my health journey is constantly shifting and adjusting.
It's challenging, at times, because I feel once I reveal what my profession is, I'm an instant poster child for perfection and what a Nutritionist is supposed to look like - which is: a thin, joyful person with clear, glowing skin and shiny, frizz-free hair all the time.
I'm none of those things, all the time.
Those expectations of myself not only began when I started in this field but developed throughout my childhood. You can read more about that here.
I developed skewed versions of what perfection is and the expectation people had and now have of me.
Despite the compassion and empathy I posses, I realized that being my own critic wasn’t allowing myself to release the positive energy in the world that I needed in return.
Throughout these years, I’ve learned that in order to continue guiding others throughout their wellness journeys, I had to release these five things that held me back in my personal growth:
1 | Doubt in myself
I didn't think I was capable of achieving healthy skin, that I was always going to be the girl with painful periods or a little heavier than most girls. That was just my life.
I set myself up for failure before I even tried because I convinced myself that some how I wasn’t good or capable enough.
What I learned: Although there are still times I question my process, my trust in the outcome always overrules. You must always trust you know what's best for you.
2 | The urge to give up when it wasn't fast enough
I cried. I got angry. I set boundaries and limitations.
I wanted this healthier lifestyle but because I didn't figure out my "why", it sent me on this cycle of being unreasonable and rushing my process for some invisible finish line that I had placed in front of myself.
What I learned: Anything that is worthwhile and is going to stick around takes time and patience.
3 | Not allowing accountability
I'm stubborn by nature. I've inherited this from my father and would always want to do things on my own in order to get them done the way I wanted. I didn’t give anyone else the benefit of the doubt for wanting to contribute to my change in lifestyle.
Well, when change didn't happen, I realized I needed the help. I needed the words of encouragement. I needed guidance.
What I learned: You have to believe in ownership. If you have someone cheering you on and making sure you stay on the right track, you both will have succeeded. You don't know everything and you shouldn't feel you have to.
4 | Judgement of others
I played victim. I would judge other people for things I didn't have - namely women. I would judge them for having - in my eyes - a perfect upbringing with supportive parents, an amazing body without any effort or clear, subtle skin because they didn't go through whatever I was going through or had gone through growing up.
I would judge because I was uncomfortable. It made me feel good, temporarily, in order to take the attention off of what I was feeling deep down inside.
What I learned: I had to clear those blocks. When you judge others, you're calling attention to your insecurities. Whether that be something you had to deal with during childhood, a negative episode with another person or an expectation you have of yourself.
5 | Isolating myself
When I was going through my worse years of acne and chronic stress, I stayed to myself.
I didn't want anyone to sense my struggles and I didn’t want to be judged or known for my bad skin. I would turn down invites, limit my time spent in public and make excuses for family and friends to come visit.
What I learned: Isolating yourself worsens the problem. People are going to love you for who you are internally. My compassion, empathy and adoration for others stood out beyond my skin. Isolating myself only drew more attention.
Failures throughout any journey are constant lessons. I don't even like the word failure because it has a negative tone.
Of course, some days are much better than others and I still find myself stumbling back to judging myself and others but the turnaround time to forgiveness is much faster and definitely coming from a more wiser, enlightened space that reflects upon areas in my life I need to check in with.
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